I was at a children’s shoe store with my five-year-old daughter on very rainy, cold Saturday afternoon. Usually packed, the store was empty except for the two of us. Then a woman entered the store looking tightly wound, with her son dragging his feet behind her, who looked about six years old.
I know we moms aren’t supposed to judge each other, but the moment this woman walked in, I knew there was going to be a scene, starring hers truly. As she strode past the racks of shoes, she ran her fingers through her perfectly blonde bob and did that mom-mumble thing. You know, when you say your thoughts too loud in order to validate your mood.
“Justin,” she seethed, “we need to find dress shoes for Sunday, and that is tomorrow, so let’s pick out something. Fast.” Justin ignored her and picked up a light-up sneaker.
Rather than redirecting him or reminding him that they weren’t looking for light-up sneakers, she got nasty and loud. Fast. It really seemed like she was two Merrells away from strangling him, and her words were harsh and frankly, embarrassing to witness. Initially I felt bad for the mom. We’ve all been in that place of total frustration and anger.
But I felt worse for the little boy, who very clearly was not going to say or do the right thing no matter what. She went from berating him to threatening to take away his TV and Wii privileges, to using multi-syllabic words that went straight over her son’s head (and frankly, mine as well).
Then her scathing remarks got worse. “You are so lucky Daddy isn’t here because you’d be begging within an ounce of your life, he would punish you so much.” The two store clerks and I exchanged worried glances and a very uncomfortable silence followed.
Here was my opportunity. Here was my chance to reach out to this woman, who was obviously having a horrible day (or week or year, for all I knew) and could use the support and camaraderie from a fellow mom. I wanted to pat her hand and tell her we’ve all had crappy days and not to worry, there’s a shoe store down the road if she doesn’t find anything here. I wanted to make her laugh a little, to break the thick tension and to show her son (and my observant daughter) that even moms are not perfect, but we always work on being better.
But then I also wanted to shake her. Her sharp words to her son still stung me, even though I wasn’t the recipient, and they felt worse than a slap across the face, the kind that makes your eyes well up with fear.
I felt so conflicted: comfort her or chide her?
In the end, I did nothing. I avoided eye contact with her. My daughter and I purchased what we needed and left the store. Driving home, I wished I had reached out to her. We spend so much time ignoring each other or turning a blind eye, when mostly what we moms need is comfort in the knowledge that we are all going through similar experiences.
If I were in that woman’s shoes that particular day, I would have loved for another mom to look at me and offer support or a laugh. But that’s just me. What would you have wanted if you were that mom? What would you have done if you were me?
3 Comments
You did the right thing, that woman sounds insufferable, and nothing you could say would have changed that. She probably would have started a nasty confrontation with you, which is the last thing you need. I would have felt the same way you did though.
It sounds like the mom was having an out-of-control moment given she was validating her mood with comments. Hopefully she realized it later and apologized to the child. I think initiating a conversation with someone this time-pressed would only further stress her out. I think there is nothing to do here except offer glances of support.
I think I would try to engage the woman in conversation. Maybe I would try to be helpful and say something like, “How dressy do the shoes have to be? Some of the Merrils are pretty dressy looking when they are brand new. Would these work for you? Maybe I would ask her what the occassion was – if she felt like opening up this would give her an opening” The worst thing that could happen would be that she would be rude to me – but that would be preferable to sittiing there and listening to her pick on her 6 year old.