I overstepped my boundaries yesterday and reprimanded another child. We were at kindergarten pick up and I was trying to keep tabs on my daughter, her friend and her younger brother on the vast playground.
My daughter and her friend seemed perfectly content on the monkey bars so I was focusing my concentration on her brother who was running around like a mad man. When I looked back to the monkey bars she was gone. Then a spotted her and another friend climbing a tree. I started to walk over to get them down, when I noticed an older boy in the tree step on my daughter’s hand and force her to fall.
She lay crumbled on the ground, crying. I sprinted to her side, terrified. When I realized nothing was broken, my fear turned to fury. I stormed over to offending child not sure myself how this would play out.
I vowed to be calm, but used my “mommy voice” to ask his name. He was clearly afraid but he told me. Then I asked if he stepped on my daughter’s hand so that she would fall out of a tree. He hesitated, but finally admitted it. Next I asked if he thought that was safe. He said no. Finally, I asked what he thought we should do about it. He was silent and visibly frightened.
So I made some suggestions. He should apologize to my daughter and not engage in unsafe activity on the playground, otherwise I would have to tell the principal. He agreed and we went home. Then I had a minor panic attack. Had I overstepped my bounds? I hadn’t physically touched him, but my voice and tone were definitely harsh. If his mother had magically appeared mid-reprimand, would she have freaked and asked what I was saying to her child or been open to the fact that he misbehaved and helped solve the problem? Should I have run to the office to get someone with more authority to handle the situation or would he have fled the scene of the crime?
I don’t know. I’d like to think I did the right thing, but I fear the other child’s mother might see it differently. What do you think?
3 Comments
The way I look at it is: what would I have felt if I was the mom of the naughty boy? The answer in this case? I would have been GRATEFUL that you said something. I am not, and will not, always be there when my child does something wrong. I believe it takes more than one or 2 people (“a village”) to raise a child. It’s been that way throughout most of human history…. I actually welcome other parents’ input into my child’s life, as long as it’s constructive (and reprimands can certainly be constructive). I once yelled when I saw a 5 year old run across a busy street. Just gut reaction, I was frightened for his safety. I apologized to his mom for freaking out (she was unloading groceries when he ran away) but she actually thanked me for catching him! If we’re moved by selfless motives, we’re usually on the right track….
I think you did the right thing, given the circumstances. Plus, you handled it much like a teacher would. You weren’t physical. You weren’t yelling. And it was a safety issue. A couple of years ago, when I was pregnant with my second and was with my then-2-year-old at the public pool, two 8-year-olds were taking buckets of dirt from a nearby field and dumping them into the 1-2 foot baby pool, where all the smaller kids have their hands on the ground, mouths in the water, etc. The lifeguard was doing nothing, and in my nicest mommy voice, I said, “hey guys, you shouldn’t do that… the babies might end up eating the dirt and they can get very sick. ” The kids looked me in the eye, turned around and proceeded to keep doing it. At that point, I went to the lifeguard and asked him to step in. My sister, a grade-school teacher, was with me and said I should stay out of it. I disagree. At that point, if my baby or someone else’s gets cocksackie from the dirt, it’s my problem. Not to mention the fact that these 8 year old’s parents should have been watching them and were no where to be found. I also think it’s very telling that those kids were completely unfazed by my light reprimand. When I was that age, if a stranger every had to say something like that to me, I would have been so embarrassed I would have ran to my mother and hid the rest of the day.
In short… you did good.
ya know, I think it is ok for a child to realize some actions make people mad and that intentionally hurting people is one of those things. Maybe it would have been more socially appropriate to get a school authority figure but would the child have remember a don’t do that 15 min later from some one who wasn’t there? I don’t really think so. It seems crazy to me that people are so terrified of letting their kid think that something they did was wrong but guess what folks, intentionally hurting someone IS wrong, do you really want your kid to learn there are no consequences? Maybe the mother would have flipped out but you didn’t scream/ emotionally abuse the child you didn’t touch him and hopefully he learned that you have to think about things before you toss someone out of a tree. What if she had landed wrong and broke her neck? I think a little fear from consequences is a wonderful thing it is nature taking over mama bears protect their young no matter how young the perpetrator and since you didn’t maul the boy I think you did quite well