If your kids don’t take the bus home from school, they are supposed to wait in the cafeteria for you to pick them up. So I was surprised when, after gathering my own kids and walking out the front of the building, I noticed two of my daughter’s fellow kindergarteners hanging out by themselves without a grownup in sight. I kept walking because I was in a hurry, but then I hesitated and backtracked.
I asked the girls who was picking them up, and one of them said her mom was.
“Where is she?” I asked, thinking maybe mom ran to the bathroom or the front office for a second. “Have you seen her already? Does she know you are out here?”
“Well, she might be in the library,” the other girl sang, then gave me a lopsided grin.
I couldn’t tell if she was being silly or serious, so I explained that her mom wouldn’t know to come outside the front of the building to find them; she’d be waiting in the cafeteria and that is where they needed to go right now. They trudged off, but kept looking back to see if I was watching them (I was).
I turned to leave and was hit with a “Crap, did I do the right thing?” moment. Should I have minded my own business? Should I call the moms and let them know that their daughters were outside the school doors unattended for who knows how long while the mad rush of SUVs and minivans screeched by them on the other side of the sidewalk?
Where is the line between minding your own business, and trying to help each other out? If it takes a village to raise our children, why don’t we rely on each other more? What am I afraid of, being the village idiot? I worried that if I did tell the moms, maybe that was blowing their cover—maybe the girls had arranged with the pickup mom to meet out there to avoid the melee of racing kids and hurtling backpacks that is the cafeteria scene at pickup time. Or maybe they would feel embarrassed that their “bad” girls had somehow sneaked outside the school successfully and that I was outing them, and then in their eyes, judging them?
All of this thinking got me thinking: this is ridiculous. If that were my daughter and her friend waiting around unattended, I would want someone to tell me so I could let the school know (and let the school be horrified/embarrassed/outed). I think we need to stop worrying about the repercussions of looking out for each other, and just do it. What do you think? (Um, I still haven’t contacted the moms. But I will. I should. Right?)
8 Comments
I’m a fan of always standing up for what you believe is right, even if it makes you the “village idiot.” However, if there is a way to let the other parents know anonymously then you can do this route too. For example, if there is a school website or forum then make an anonymous post about what you saw. Or if there is an email list-serve then send an email out with a new anonymous gmail/yahoo address. Or in Robin’s instance, you can leave an anonymous letter attached to the neighbor’s door stating that you saw the babysitter texting while driving.
The only thing you should NEVER do, and I mean never, is report this kind of stuff to the government or CPS. Yes there are lots of bad parents out there, many who leave their kids unattended. But the odds of something horrible happening to kids under the roof of bad parents are way smaller than kids under the care of CPS workers. Being a CPS worker is a pedophile’s dream job and just read up online about all the horrible, horrible stuff that happens to kids under the care of CPS.
You did the right thing. This Mom would have appreciated your thoughtfulness and concern. If it were me, I’d wait to see if this happens again before contacting the other Moms.
Yes, you did the right thing. I think where the line is drawn is: if children are in a place they are not supposed to be (especially when safety becomes an issue) or doing something they are not supposed to do then all’s fair in being a contributing member of your village. If the moms had made arrangements for the girls to meet them outside then what you did might be an easy reminder of what the appropriate procedures are.
I would have been relieved to have another mom send my kid where he needed to be. This reminds me of an article I read not long ago about kids not walking to school now because of the number of cars on the road–just last week a little girl was hit by an SUV while walking in her neighborhood in my area. Kids shouldn’t be near roads without a larger (and I mean physically large enough to be noticed by a short lady driving a Suburban) person, which should obviously mean an adult.
You did the right thing. Safety first!!!
I agree that you did the right thing. Something similar happened to me recently. I was outside playing with my kids in the front yard when I saw the neighbor’s babysitter pull out of their driveway. She is probably a college student and was watching two young kids. Sure enough as she is driving past me, I see her texting (with the kids in the car!). I have college babysitters as well that drive my kids and I HOPE they are not texting with my kids in the car. So, I did what I would want someone to do for me….I put a note in the neighbors mailbox telling her very nicely what I saw. Not accusing anyone, just matter of fact. I never heard from the neighbor. So, now I feel bad…did I do the right thing?? In my mind, I did because I truly hope someone would tell me if my kids were in danger in someone’s car!!
ps…love this website!!
Sending them back to the cafeteria was the best idea. Kids (especially young kids) should never be outside without an adult. The teachers should not have let that happen. As long as the children would be supervised by the adults in the cafeteria, then you did the best you could do. I am not sure whether or not you need to tell the parents. You never know how parents will react. I, myself, would be grateful but then other parents forget their kids are only 5/6 and not 15 and they might say to you, so what? they were outside..
Not sure if its worth it; as long as the kids are safe. That’s the most important thing!
You absolutely did the right thing by sending them back to the cafeteria. There are staff members who are to remain in the cafeteria until the last child is picked up, so you know they were safe there. I don’t really think it necessary for you to call the mom though as I am sure the girls learned their lesson by being caught!!