Comments on: Schadenfreude http://www.mymommymanners.com/blog/playgroups-and-play-dates/schadenfreude/ Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:34:13 +0000 hourly 1 By: Hannah http://www.mymommymanners.com/blog/playgroups-and-play-dates/schadenfreude/comment-page-1/#comment-231 Hannah Mon, 26 Apr 2010 17:15:37 +0000 http://www.mymommymanners.com/blog/?p=542#comment-231 I just think this is a result of being too apart as families. I feel like we are part of a bigger tribe and our kids have to all succeed together. I feel sick with worry about their children when they doesn't answer them in a public place in the same way I do with my own children. The other day, our daughter's friend (who we can call C) head-butted Scarlet out of anger. It looked very painful and it was the sort of thing that would make me take Scarlet home (if Scarlet had done it). But C's parent's reaction (which was probably similar to what mine would have been) made me feel very compassionately towards C. I wanted to hold C and talk to her about why she did what she did. I wanted to pay close attention to her and talk to her about other ways to handle her anger... but I couldn't. Scarlet had recovered and was playing with something new or I might have felt more of a need to comfort her. I have known C since she was a newborn and I definitely cut her a lot of slack in my mind. She can be very naughty (more so than anyone else I have met her age) and more violent than my kids have ever been. But I love her like my own and when she suffers a failure, I feel it like she was my own child... I think C's mom knows this and therefore trusts me to occasionally discipline or set boundaries with C in a way that is a bit more parental than your average friend. Even when I am telling C she needs to stop doing something that is destructive, her mom knows the message is being delivered with the same affection I have towards Scarlet. I might even be a little anger but the motive is the same and so I get a little more control than someone else might... I just think this is a result of being too apart as families. I feel like we are part of a bigger tribe and our kids have to all succeed together. I feel sick with worry about their children when they doesn’t answer them in a public place in the same way I do with my own children.

The other day, our daughter’s friend (who we can call C) head-butted Scarlet out of anger. It looked very painful and it was the sort of thing that would make me take Scarlet home (if Scarlet had done it).

But C’s parent’s reaction (which was probably similar to what mine would have been) made me feel very compassionately towards C. I wanted to hold C and talk to her about why she did what she did. I wanted to pay close attention to her and talk to her about other ways to handle her anger… but I couldn’t. Scarlet had recovered and was playing with something new or I might have felt more of a need to comfort her.

I have known C since she was a newborn and I definitely cut her a lot of slack in my mind. She can be very naughty (more so than anyone else I have met her age) and more violent than my kids have ever been. But I love her like my own and when she suffers a failure, I feel it like she was my own child…

I think C’s mom knows this and therefore trusts me to occasionally discipline or set boundaries with C in a way that is a bit more parental than your average friend. Even when I am telling C she needs to stop doing something that is destructive, her mom knows the message is being delivered with the same affection I have towards Scarlet. I might even be a little anger but the motive is the same and so I get a little more control than someone else might…

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