We went away for Memorial Day weekend and met another nice couple with a child the same age as my older daughter. They taught her some fun card games at the beach which both girls seemed to enjoy playing, until my daughter started to figure out how to win.
At this point, both her new friend and the parents started getting upset. It became clear that they had always let their daughter, an only child and by all other counts a lovely girl, win at this particular game and the idea of losing was quite uncomfortable for her (and them).
I also have a competitive child and make a point of letting her lose as often as she wins, but I was at a loss for how to advice her in this situation. It was clear that her new friend (and the new friend’s parents) wanted her to throw the game. As a parent, that didn’t feel right to me. It seemed inconsistent with the lesson I was trying to teach her, that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and it’s okay either way.
If I reinforce this other child’s need to win, what lesson am I sending to my daughter?
I tried to share that with the other parents, making it about my need to be consistent in my message to my own child. But they weren’t really open to that. they just wanted their own child to be happy and when she wasn’t winning, she wasn’t happy. So I opted for Plan B – the immediate need to get ice cream for her brother and finish the game later. Needless to say, we never finished the game, but my daughter and I did have a long conversation about winning and losing and the importance of being a gracious loser.
Making sure your kid wins
I also have a competitive child and make a point of letting her lose as often as she wins, but I was at a loss for how to advice her in this situation. It was clear that her new friend (and the new friend’s parents) wanted her to throw the game. As a parent, that didn’t feel right to me. It seemed inconsistent with the lesson I was trying to teach her, that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and it’s okay either way.
If I reinforce this other child’s need to win, what lesson am I sending to my daughter?
I tried to share that with the other parents, making it about my need to be consistent in my message to my own child. But they weren’t really open to that. they just wanted their own child to be happy and when she wasn’t winning, she wasn’t happy. So I opted for Plan B – the immediate need to get ice cream for her brother and finish the game later. Needless to say, we never finished the game, but my daughter and I did have a long conversation about winning and losing and the importance of being a gracious loser.