Time Magazine ran a cover story last week on The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting. The article implies that in our efforts to do the best job possible for our children, we have gone too far, soliciting macrobiotic cupcakes, hypoallergenic socks, and tutors to correct a 5-year-old’s “pencil-holding deficiency”.
The article also discusses the whole competitive culture that has developed around enrolling our toddlers in music, language and athletic programs, noting “We are so obsessed with our kids’ success that parenting turned into a form of product development.”
As a mother who has definitely fretted over the need to expose my children to a myriad of experiences before entering kindergarten, I can certainly relate. I read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers in search of strategic insights to make my child more successful in life. I worried that I have already failed them by not exposing them to language and piano classes before the age of five and I’ve heard other mothers admit the same.
This issue is the basis for a lot of competition between parents. We either worry that we should be doing more for our child like the mother down the block or smugly criticize the other parent for over-programming their child. The article aptly noted, “People think there’s some mythical Good Mother out there that they aren’t living up to and that it’s hurting their child.” I think that summarizes the root of the problem.
While the Time article makes the point that less is more and by stressing so much when they are so young we do actual damage to our children, raising them to be anxious and unadventurous or even contribute to depression.
In short, we are damned if we do (expose our children to a variety of activities and experiences) and damned if we don’t. Perhaps instead of comparing ourselves and keeping score on who is the better parent, we should just focus on our own children and what makes them happy. If your son enjoys soccer or gymnastics, sign him up. If he’s perfectly content to play with his toys in his room, that’s fine too. If he asks for play dates, schedule them. If he prefers downtime at home instead, don’t worry about it.
As I learned on a private school tour recently, “sooner is not necessarily better” All of our children will walk, go to the bathroom by themselves, read, write and eventually drive. Getting there first does not assure greater success in the long run and it does not help anyone to compete with each other over these milestones.
I’d love your thoughts or stories about this topic. Please share them in the comments below.
Does Overparenting = Bad Parenting
The article also discusses the whole competitive culture that has developed around enrolling our toddlers in music, language and athletic programs, noting “We are so obsessed with our kids’ success that parenting turned into a form of product development.”
As a mother who has definitely fretted over the need to expose my children to a myriad of experiences before entering kindergarten, I can certainly relate. I read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers in search of strategic insights to make my child more successful in life. I worried that I have already failed them by not exposing them to language and piano classes before the age of five and I’ve heard other mothers admit the same.
This issue is the basis for a lot of competition between parents. We either worry that we should be doing more for our child like the mother down the block or smugly criticize the other parent for over-programming their child. The article aptly noted, “People think there’s some mythical Good Mother out there that they aren’t living up to and that it’s hurting their child.” I think that summarizes the root of the problem.
While the Time article makes the point that less is more and by stressing so much when they are so young we do actual damage to our children, raising them to be anxious and unadventurous or even contribute to depression.
In short, we are damned if we do (expose our children to a variety of activities and experiences) and damned if we don’t. Perhaps instead of comparing ourselves and keeping score on who is the better parent, we should just focus on our own children and what makes them happy. If your son enjoys soccer or gymnastics, sign him up. If he’s perfectly content to play with his toys in his room, that’s fine too. If he asks for play dates, schedule them. If he prefers downtime at home instead, don’t worry about it.
As I learned on a private school tour recently, “sooner is not necessarily better” All of our children will walk, go to the bathroom by themselves, read, write and eventually drive. Getting there first does not assure greater success in the long run and it does not help anyone to compete with each other over these milestones.
I’d love your thoughts or stories about this topic. Please share them in the comments below.