Choosing to do nothing

I’m one of those people who after seeing a bad movie tries to think of ways to tweak the plot  for a better result.  I can’t help but wonder the same thing about the real life saga of a family in Virginia family who consciously choose to do nothing when their teenage daughter developed an obsession for rap music that focuses on murder and dismemberment, known as horrorcore rap.  This choice sadly cost them their lives as they were all murdered by one of their daughters horrorcore  friends.

Of course, the stakes are not usually so high for our parenting choices.  Nonetheless, I am intrigued by the idea of consciously choosing to do nothing when faced with a discipline challenge.  I am often encouraged on this path with phrases, like, “boys will be boys,” or “you need to let them work it out for themselves.”  My advisors may well be right, but my control freak nature finds it hard to let go.  I also know that if my little guy accidentally hits, bites or pushes someone while I am “letting him work it out on his own”, I will feel guilty and blame myself. 

So, I hover.  And I intervene.  And I constantly second guess, “am I making the right decision?”  The truth is, we don’t know.  Maybe if the family had intervened, the daughter would have rebelled and the ending would have been the same.  Or perhaps an intervention could have saved her and themselves from such a horrific fate. 

How do we know when to intervene or when to let our little ones work it out on their own?