From the driveby attacks in public to the ackward moments with your closest friends and family, parents today seem to be under constant attack on everything from their deeply personal parenting choices (think nursing, co-sleeping, spanking, discipline approach, you get the picture) to their off moments (a kid who isn’t wearing socks on a cold day, a public tantrum, crying on an airplane).
Perhaps this tension always existed, but it seems to have escalated, inviting everyone to critique each other’s parenting. Is Kate Gosslin a bad mom for working away from home? What’s wrong with Katie Holmes for letting a three year old drink from a bottle? When did we become so judgmental and so mean spirited? And turn this rage against other mothers, no less.
It feels a little like road rage to me – the intense fury and judgment over every perceived mis-step with no compassion or thought to the other’s situation. Maybe they had a bad day. Maybe their kid isn’t sleeping. Maybe they aren’t sleeping. We don’t know, but still we assume the worst. Why?
I’ve been asking. Some believe it has to do with our own parenting insecurities. If they don’t do it our way, perhaps our way is wrong. Therefore, we must defend our way with the intensity of a religious zealot.
Some take it a step further and blame the current state of parenting. Or more accurately, the current parenting vacumn in which we all live. When we were growing up, parents spanked, arming few of us with strong discipline tools to use in the absence of spanking. Since we don’t have the model of our parents behavior to turn to, we feel underwater – unsure of ourselves and how to ask for help.
It’s always surprising to me to realize that parenting is a skill that most of us need to learn. I don’t know why, but on some level, I always assumed it would be more intuitive. I guess it may be for some mothers. The rest of us need to do a lot of work – reading books, attending lectures, hiring parenting coaches. It took me a while to realize that and during that time, I’m sure a lot of parents judged me.
Whenever I am tempted to judge, I try to remember myself at the beginning of my parenting journey and treat the other person the way I wish others had treated me. Afterall, we are all just doing the best we can at any given moment.
Why do parents tear each other apart?
From the driveby attacks in public to the ackward moments with your closest friends and family, parents today seem to be under constant attack on everything from their deeply personal parenting choices (think nursing, co-sleeping, spanking, discipline approach, you get the picture) to their off moments (a kid who isn’t wearing socks on a cold day, a public tantrum, crying on an airplane).
It feels a little like road rage to me – the intense fury and judgment over every perceived mis-step with no compassion or thought to the other’s situation. Maybe they had a bad day. Maybe their kid isn’t sleeping. Maybe they aren’t sleeping. We don’t know, but still we assume the worst. Why?
I’ve been asking. Some believe it has to do with our own parenting insecurities. If they don’t do it our way, perhaps our way is wrong. Therefore, we must defend our way with the intensity of a religious zealot.
Some take it a step further and blame the current state of parenting. Or more accurately, the current parenting vacumn in which we all live. When we were growing up, parents spanked, arming few of us with strong discipline tools to use in the absence of spanking. Since we don’t have the model of our parents behavior to turn to, we feel underwater – unsure of ourselves and how to ask for help.
It’s always surprising to me to realize that parenting is a skill that most of us need to learn. I don’t know why, but on some level, I always assumed it would be more intuitive. I guess it may be for some mothers. The rest of us need to do a lot of work – reading books, attending lectures, hiring parenting coaches. It took me a while to realize that and during that time, I’m sure a lot of parents judged me.
Whenever I am tempted to judge, I try to remember myself at the beginning of my parenting journey and treat the other person the way I wish others had treated me. Afterall, we are all just doing the best we can at any given moment.