The parenting police are quick to judge – on blogs, in person and behind your back. If they decide that a parent is “checked out” — ignoring a misbehaving child while they shop for groceries, enjoy a quiet moment or try to engage in conversation with another adult — they are labeled a “bad parent”.
The problem is that everyone has different standards for what constitutes “misbehaving”. Kelly has an intense child who is constantly in motion and often hurting the house, himself or other people. In the rare moments when he is sitting still, she considers him well behaved even if he is speaking in a voice louder than a whisper.
Her neighbor, Ellen, however finds it offensive that Kelly’s son is always “shouting.” Clearly, what comes across as an offensive “shout” to Ellen, barely even registers on Kelly’s radar. Does that make Kelly a lazy, permission parent raising a spoiled, inconsiderate child or is she just picking her battles?
It depends who you ask. Some parents may look at Kelly and assume she doesn’t care or isn’t trying. Others may realize how that she has to work just to keep the house clean and get out the door. The problem is that we all have different standards of civility and respect, so what may pass as appropriate behavior in one family is considered completely rude in another family.
Before we rush to judge, perhaps we can break to reflect. Or just ask the other parent, “does that behavior bother you?” What do you think?
One Comment
Oh so true. I try not to but have to admit that I have judge people as “bad parents”. I then, of course, get “blessed” with a situation shortly after with my own daughter that quickly changes my opinion of the “bad parent” when I find myself in similar circumstances. Funny how that works.