Have you ever watched a friend struggling with her child and desparately wanted to help, but were afraid your words might offend? Or maybe you enthusiastically shared your advice only to unintentionally insult her?
Most moms we polled agree that under no circumstances should you offer another parent advice. Most of us assumed that even well intentioned efforts will be perceived as judgmental, critical, or coming from a place of “I’m right and you’re wrong.”
Is there anything a well intentioned mother can do but bite her tongue? In a word, Yes. But you have to start from a place of compassion and really connect with them on their level before they will be able to hear you. if they are not in a place where they can hear you, you words will fall on deaf, or worse, angry ears.
For example, if a friend’s son is biting, it may be tempting to rush in with the solution. It will be a lot easier for her to hear your message if you take a moment to connect with her first. Say something like, “Sam went through a biting stage too. It was really hard for me and I really struggled over what to do. If you’d like to know some of the things that worked for me, I’d be happy to share them. But, you’re obviously working really hard and I honor what you’re doing.”
This approach doesn’t presume that you know better than they do, makes people feel diminished and puts them on the defensive. By starting from a place of compassion, they know that you get it, there’s more room for them to learn from you.
Has anyone ever gave you advice that you found really helpful? How did they do it?
The Secret to Sharing Advice
Have you ever watched a friend struggling with her child and desparately wanted to help, but were afraid your words might offend? Or maybe you enthusiastically shared your advice only to unintentionally insult her?
Is there anything a well intentioned mother can do but bite her tongue? In a word, Yes. But you have to start from a place of compassion and really connect with them on their level before they will be able to hear you. if they are not in a place where they can hear you, you words will fall on deaf, or worse, angry ears.
For example, if a friend’s son is biting, it may be tempting to rush in with the solution. It will be a lot easier for her to hear your message if you take a moment to connect with her first. Say something like, “Sam went through a biting stage too. It was really hard for me and I really struggled over what to do. If you’d like to know some of the things that worked for me, I’d be happy to share them. But, you’re obviously working really hard and I honor what you’re doing.”
This approach doesn’t presume that you know better than they do, makes people feel diminished and puts them on the defensive. By starting from a place of compassion, they know that you get it, there’s more room for them to learn from you.
Has anyone ever gave you advice that you found really helpful? How did they do it?