Two children are fighting over a shovel. My instinct is to step in and mediate or fix the problem. My wiser friend recommends doing nothing and as a result, letting the kids resolve it for themselves.
I know she’s right. It teaches them conflict resolution. Empowers them to handle their own situations. Lets them know that I have confidence in their ability to resolve it for themselves. I just wish it weren’t so hard for me to do.
I feel like a bad parent, a lazy parent, a negligent parent – all names I have actually been called when I actively choose to relegate my type-A, controlling, micro-managing self to the back burner for the sake of my kids.
We all hear the anecdotal research on the helicopter children – the ones who call their parents multiple times a day to consult on the most minor of issues, who bring their parents along on job interviews, who in effect are unable to make decisions for themselves because they are so used to being smothered.
How do we prevent that? By letting our kids learn to figure things out for themselves, in other words sitting on our hands. It’s a difficult balancing act for most parents. How do you handle it?
The Art of Doing Nothing
Two children are fighting over a shovel. My instinct is to step in and mediate or fix the problem. My wiser friend recommends doing nothing and as a result, letting the kids resolve it for themselves.
I feel like a bad parent, a lazy parent, a negligent parent – all names I have actually been called when I actively choose to relegate my type-A, controlling, micro-managing self to the back burner for the sake of my kids.
We all hear the anecdotal research on the helicopter children – the ones who call their parents multiple times a day to consult on the most minor of issues, who bring their parents along on job interviews, who in effect are unable to make decisions for themselves because they are so used to being smothered.
How do we prevent that? By letting our kids learn to figure things out for themselves, in other words sitting on our hands. It’s a difficult balancing act for most parents. How do you handle it?