I guess I’m old-fashioned, but I can’t get over how casual parents are with their kids—and with their friends’ kids also.
When I was little, my friends’ parents were always Mrs. Schwartz and Dr. Spector and Mr. Canto. Not Carole and Bob and Jerry. This was not a big deal; they were grownups just like my teachers at school. It’s not like I sidled up to my first grade teacher and joked, “Hi Maryann, how’s it going?” I don’t even remember my first grade teacher’s name. It was just Mrs.
So I don’t see why parents today are so resistant to being called Mr. or Mrs. Last Name. I get the whole “that’s-my-mother-in-law-not-me!” defense. But to that I say: suck it up. You took your husband’s last name, so deal with it. Anyway, I’m fairly certain nobody mistakes 40-year-old me for my 60-something-year-old mother-in-law.
Preschool perpetuates this issue, too. Why is their teacher Miss Linda and not Mrs. Faulkner? Are the extra syllables so hard to pronounce? Don’t think so people—have you heard the crazy kid names floating around? Seraphina? Maximillian? Ireland?
Moms today seem really fired up about this issue, as if being called Mrs. Last Name slaps an “I AM FREAKING OLD” sticker on your forehead or makes your boobs instantly sag an inch lower. We got married, we had kids, we are all Mrs. Somethings. I don’t want my friend’s 6-year-old son calling, “Hey Na!” in front of a bunch of his pals. I don’t want to be his friend, just like I don’t want to be friend to my own children. That’s why they call me MOM. (Interestingly, you don’t hear any debate among moms who want their *own* kids calling them by their first names.)
What’s most uncomfortable for me is when I run into a fellow mom at the grocery store, and I say to my kids, “This is Mrs. Cartwright,” and her eyes widen and she scoffs, “Oh don’t be silly; they can call me Carolyn.” That kinda makes me mad. Didn’t she just step on my toes? Why should they call her Carolyn? Is my daughter going to have a playdate with her? Will they braid each other’s hair and share secrets? Addressing by Mrs. Last Name says to our children, “this woman is a grownup so you will respect her—period, the end.” And I am all for that. There is enough disrespect and casualness these days to fill up an entire week of reality TV.
Call me crazy, but I think kids NEED to have boundaries and lines clearly drawn. What name do you go by with your friends’ kids? Do you reserve your first name only for your very close friends?
3 Comments
“We got married, we had kids, we are all Mrs. Somethings.” –
Maybe I am looking too deeply into this, but to me this comment comes off as condescending and close minded. I am all for respect. My children know better than to call our neighbors Bill and Jane. But no, we are not ALL married. I am certainly not Mrs. Something, and if you call me “Mrs.[my partner's last name] I will correct you. How about asking whomever you are speaking to what they would like to be called? How about respecting my wishes, the wishes of another adult?
Not to mention that what we deemed respectful is very subjective. I was raised to call my elders Ma’am and Sir, or Mr. and Mrs. So and So. But my partner was raised differently. Calling the mail lady Miss Laura, or his piano teacher Mr. Jim was expected. Calling them by their last name would have been considered overly formal.
If you feel like another adult is letting your kids be overly familiar do you politely express your feelings so they understand? Or do you silently stew over it and run off to write a passive aggressive blog post about it that they will most likely never see?
My husband and I made the decision to go with Mr/Mrs/Ms early on but are constantly thwarted by the ‘don’t be silly’ crowd. So, our compromise: our very close family friends are Mrs. First Name and Mr. First Name and others are told that we prefer our kids to address them as Mr./Mrs. Last Name. The end. Once we get across that the rule is to benefit our kids and not a judgement call on the adults, it seems to work out just fine.
I always noticed that as a kid I followed my parents example if my mom called her Mary Lou I did and if she called her Mrs Spencer I did as a kid I liked to pretend I was close friends with my Mom’s close friends