Shame. The dictionary defines it as the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.
Shame is a popular emotion among us moms, along with guilt, fear, anxiety and frustration. On the simpliest level, we may feel shame if our child talks too loudly in public, or noisily observes that another is overweight, old, bald or otherwise unattractive. We may feel shame over developmental delays, sensory issues, ADD or other bumps along the parenting path.
How we deal with this shame varies. Some make light, while others bury it deep within.
In a compelling Babble article, Katie Allison Granju writes for the first time about the drug addiction of her son who is currently battling for his life in intensive care:
I am no longer willing — or ABLE — to keep this secret. Maybe people will judge me. Maybe they will label me the bad mother I fear that I am to have ended up in this place. Maybe they will shun me, my son, my family. I don’t know. But I do know that the disease has now declared itself to such a degree that it’s no longer possible to keep it a secret, even if I wanted to.
While her entire essay is moving, this paragraph really struck me. This poor woman has been battling a family addiction for years in isolation, too afraid that others would judge her a bad mother to seek support and help. Sadder still, I’m sure there are other people out there who would judge and shun. But I also believe there are just as many, if not more, who would rally to her support and help her.
Granju goes on to share that she should have done more early intervention with her child, but she dismissed early drug use as right of passage experimentation – a valuable lesson for those of us with younger children. If we can let go of our shame, we can really help eachother as opposed to continuing to suffer in silence. And shame.
Secrets: Can our Shame Hurt our Children?
Shame. The dictionary defines it as the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.
How we deal with this shame varies. Some make light, while others bury it deep within.
In a compelling Babble article, Katie Allison Granju writes for the first time about the drug addiction of her son who is currently battling for his life in intensive care:
I am no longer willing — or ABLE — to keep this secret. Maybe people will judge me. Maybe they will label me the bad mother I fear that I am to have ended up in this place. Maybe they will shun me, my son, my family. I don’t know. But I do know that the disease has now declared itself to such a degree that it’s no longer possible to keep it a secret, even if I wanted to.
While her entire essay is moving, this paragraph really struck me. This poor woman has been battling a family addiction for years in isolation, too afraid that others would judge her a bad mother to seek support and help. Sadder still, I’m sure there are other people out there who would judge and shun. But I also believe there are just as many, if not more, who would rally to her support and help her.
Granju goes on to share that she should have done more early intervention with her child, but she dismissed early drug use as right of passage experimentation – a valuable lesson for those of us with younger children. If we can let go of our shame, we can really help eachother as opposed to continuing to suffer in silence. And shame.