Watching a Real Housewives of New York marathon last night, I felt sympathy for Alex, who struggled over how to respond to Jill’s comments about her children humping a stranger’s leg.
Alex was clearly caught off guard by the comment as she wasn’t there when the incident took place and her husband failed to mention it to her. Nonetheless, she took at as a hurtful dig at her children and her parenting skills.
Haven’t we all been there? A friend makes what they might see as an innocuous comment about our children’s behavior and we stew for days. Do they think I’m a terrible parent? Do they think I have a rotten kid? The indignation sets in: How dare they say that to me? Or the self doubt: could they possibly see something I don’t?
In the mix of all these powerful and conflicting emotions, it can be tough to think clearly, let alone resolve the issue in a way that doesn’t cause more problems. It is important to loop back with your friend, ideally in a private moment when you can really talk. Spend some time thinking about what you need – for them to understand the comment hurt you, for you to understand what they meant by the comment, for them to apologize. Then as calmly and clearly as you can, ask for what you need (and try to avoid blame). It can help to write things out in advance. Having a script can keep anger or emotion in check.
Any other advice that worked for you?
One Comment
What a great website and so refreshing to read about other parents’ issues. Oh, how I can relate! This article about the comments other parents make about your kid and stewing on them was right on. Thanks for the reminder to keep the lines of communication open between parents and make sure your voice is heard. It’s so easy to just let it go and pretend it doesn’t bother you, but that doesn’t solve the problem. The next time this happens, I will follow your advice.