Letting your child experience disappointment

I think it’s human nature to want to protect our children from hurt and disappointment. As a result, we are sometimes quick to anger when another parent’s actions cause our children any upset.

“How dare they do that to my child,” we fume. “If I were them, I would have handled it differently,” we rant. I found myself starting to slide down this slope of blame and fury today and it was great lesson for myself and my daughter – all over a bike.

A very dear and kind friend had offered to loan my daughter her child’s bike without training wheels. Her daughter had graduated to a larger size and my friend didn’t think her daughter would mind if her friend received a hand-me-down. But the daughter did mind and she wanted it back.

Meanwhile, my child taught herself to ride on the new bike and quickly became very attached. Small drama ensued and the original owner reclaimed her bike. My daughter was very upset and claimed her friend was mean and shouldn’t reclaim things she gave away. I found myself getting swept up in my daughter’s emotion, but thankfully took a beat before responding to her or the friend.

In that beat, I realized that this was a great lesson for my daughter about working through disappointment. We can find another bike. It may not be the same hot pink color with the decorated wheels, but it will be fine. It may not happen today, which will also be fine. She will learn that she can handle disappointment and overcome it.

It’s easy to get angry or cast blame when things in our child’s lives don’t go exactly as planned, but think of all the great learning opportunities they would miss out on if they never felt disappointed.