We have a friend who can’t say no. Candy for breakfast? Well, just this once. One more T.V. program? Sure. Two more? Oh, all right. A new toy? If you finish your dinner.
Constantly saying “no” to our kids can be exhausting. Most of us pick our battles and give in on occasion. The problem seems to kick in when one parent is trying to enforce their rules with their kids and the friend/neighbor/relative who never says no makes that job harder by either allowing their child to have something that you are refusing to give your own child or by encouraging you to relax your standards in front of your children. In other words, they side with your kids against you, making you look like the bad guy and weakening your negotiating position.
What to do? You can have that awkward “Thank you, my kids follow my rules” exchange or cave and possibly harbor resentment. Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this. How did you handle it?
3 Comments
Different families have different rules. I want my kids to see that people can still be friends even if we have different ways of doing things, different rules. BUT, what do you do/say when your friend says (in front of you and your kids) something incredulous like “really, you need to lighten up” or “so when ARE you going to let them….(play with guns, drink coffee, run with sticks in their mouths or whatever it is they let their kids do that you don’t)” . I appreciate friends’ challenging my thoughts/behavior in private, but in front of the kids????
For a BLOG/Website titled “Mommy Manners…how to play nice with other parents” you two sound like a couple of bitter-betty’s who do nothing but bitch and moan and congratulate each other for being “AMAZING PARENTS”. You sound like the stay-at-home resentful, ‘greater than thou’ ladies I run into at the local manicure salon who are complaining that they were only able to get to two yoga classes this week and wonder how to handle the nanny who is texting throughout the day and not watching your children while you were at yoga/grocery store/spa/shopping/charity event.
I’m with the lady above: You know what you do? You leave it alone, then you can talk to your kids about how your own family is different from your friends family. Tell them your rationale for not serving candy for breakfast or not allowing another TV show. And if you find yourself challenged so much by someone who doesn’t parent like you, find other people who have similar rules and hang out with them.
Get over yourself and raise nice kids who are not dictated to and spoiled. Stop judging everyone – your questions at the end of your posts are rediculous. How about a nice BLOG calling out the amazing things you’ve learned from friends on parenting. I have a ton of advice I’ve been given – some good, some not…I pick what I like and what works and we don’t spin on this caddiness in our home. Post that
I’m sorry, but it’s not my job as a parent to enforce your rules, or make your rules easier to swallow for your kids. You know what my kid had for breakfast this morning? Half a soda. Oh, and some cold cereal and some bananas. You would judge me, think that I just don’t say “no”. What I do is allow my son a voice in our family. He found a soda on the counter and asked for it politely. Perhaps I need to not leave soda on the counter or maybe even not buy it. No matter, once he found it and asked, I gave it to him. I’m not going to say “no” if your kids are sitting at the table with us and aren’t allowed to have soda for breakfast.
And what’s this “thank you, but my kids follow the rules”? What rules. YOUR rules. Maybe the rules in other families are different, and maybe you should respect that. And interesting that you’re concerned about your “friend” siding with your kids and against you. Is this a war? Does parenting children require taking sides?
You know what you do? You leave it alone, then you can talk to your kids about how your own family is different from your friends family. Tell them your rationale for not serving candy for breakfast or not allowing another TV show. And if you find yourself challenged so much by someone who doesn’t parent like you, find other people who have similar rules and hang out with them.